throes

death is painful
birth is painful
yet such events happen on the daily
life is pain, princess…
anyone who tells you differently
is selling something…
but I digress…

yesterday, while singing protest songs from 1967-1970…
again… 
i reflected 
when i first sang those songs i believed 
i believed we had changed american society 
for good
once and for all time
i was six, seven, eight, nine, ten
during those tumultuous years
rebellion for civil liberties
rebellion for social justice 
rebellion for equity of privileges


rebellion
formed the essence of my personality

autism hard-wired me for social justice
evaluating just and fair is my constant state of being 
if you want a truly just evaluation of any situation… 
ask a neurodivergent person for an assessment
perhaps this is why such people 
have always been suspect
outcast in capitalistic society 
but i digress…

in this moment
we are collectively experiencing
much needed deaths…
of systemic racism and bigotry
of systemic misogyny and the delusion of free labor
of systemic religious bigotry
of self-righteous “american exceptionalism” 
of unsustainable greed and capitalism

these deaths require
painful lessons be learned
it ain’t gonna feel good
it ain’t gonna feel easy 
to excise the rot 
built into our government 
by soft doughy hands 
of rich, white, men…
all that shit gotta go

we’ve fought the surface of things for years…
even some of the founders
warned against racial inequity
warned against allowing wealth to control government
warned against allowing religious fervor to overtake government
warned against the divisive polarities of two party systems
warned against the rise of tyranny from landed gentry
warned against the rise of greed and unrestrained capitalism
warned against unchecked power in too few hands
 
funnily enough
none of them took women’s suffrage
women’s equality
women’s equity
seriously at all
but again… i digress…

truly
death throes are painful
clinging to the comfortable past is painful
losing one’s status… however little privilege given…
is painful

however…
more importantly…
birth is painful

birthing a new way of being together is painful
birthing a new way of governing 
of being governed 
is painful
envisioning a just future for everyone…
is challenging 
taking power back is difficult 
yielding power back is difficult
asking for consensus is difficult
gaining consensus is difficult 
birthing a new nation…
birthing a new national identity…
is painful

so when next we stand up 
or sit in 
singing those old rebellious songs
together 
remember to give each other grace

we are all
experiencing the throes 
of violent endings
and tumultuous beginnings

photos by two wild geese: remembering those who fought to create a nation and to defend that nation’s constitution. may we all remember our oaths.